limitless.

2009-02-16T20:24:00.000-08:00

i guess this is really random. but i wanna start a tau huay stall. imagine long queues like the rochor canal one. $$$!

all i need is a good location. and a little bit of marketing. hmmm...

2009-02-16T00:54:00.000-08:00

Verse1:
There are times when I, couldn't find
Meaning in my life
I lost direction, all my hopes,
Dashed upon some hearts of stone
So i prayed.

Verse2:
Sometimes i get, so stressed up,
I just wanna hide under my sheets
Depression is, so addictive,
I got a dose of it again
Then you came

PreCho:
Then you came
Held me by the hand
You were the only friend
That i could depend on till the end

Chorus
cause you,
took my heart to heal,
the pain that I feel
You know that it's real

Only you
Would answer my calls
Picked me up from my fall
Now I'm standing tall

Now I stand tall

2009-02-15T08:51:00.000-08:00

v day was somewhat special.

for starters, woke up early, and went to CCH! played for service. then lunched with the gang.

Headed down to expo, and enjoyed the sermon. VERY MUCH! HAHA.

after which had this exchange of v day presents between guy and girl in cell. the girls gave us balloons, the guys we sang when you say nothign at all, i played. haha.

den was. a date. with.

torrance tai shin chee! a guy!!! hahahhahaha. yeah. we ate kfc and had starbucks! and being the gentlemen i am, I SENT HIM HOME!!! LOL.

but im straight. so yes...

den as i was on the way home, driving at SMU area and feeling lost as usual when ting ting called.

"wher are you... can you erm... haha..."
"eh... around town... where you?"
"orchard haha! YAY! CAN YOU?!?!?!"
"haha of course! anyone else?"
"oh just me and yulan"

so i went to pick them up, and wow. it was 2359 when i picked so it was still vday! haha. den picked angelina too on the way back.

and yea i happened to pass by a CD shop selling B52's CD, so i got it initially for yulan on her birthday (mine too actually), but so happen that i got to see her, so i gave it to her! haha. GOODNESS.

some possible lyrics.

for some reason i cant explain.
the things in this life that remain
hopefully there's not much pain
and that this life is not just a game.

again!

2009-02-08T07:32:00.000-08:00

im cheery! good mood now!

SOT IS APPROVED! WATER BAPTISM TOO!!!

what could get better?

a few things i guess.

some thoughts on this week; a week of breakthrough!

im more confident now, its like a surge of life coming into me after all that happened this week. too much to really blog but! a lot of things about nem is really starting to come back alive.

im smiling again!
dressing up again!
talkative!
vocal!
positive!

its like. life is back in me! not that im vain or attention seeking, but, more of a healthy self esteem!

its good. world! watch out for bryan!

2009-02-08T04:41:00.000-08:00

heh. the love bank thingy seriously works.
*ding ding! *deh!!!!

but i think now, ive got low interest rates. so.

taking my time!!!~

2009-02-05T09:07:00.000-08:00

i stared at you from afar,
it took about 6 glances from me before you returned me with 1
we're so distant, yet somehow it feels like it.
i don't know why, and i don't know how
certain things happen, or come to pass.

it feels like it might, but yet it feels like it wont.
realistically speaking, i've no faith to believe.
i've to admit too, that i'm in no shape to love
but yet deep down i yearn for love.
how can such contrasting thoughts co exist?

some things are meant to be; and some people are just not meant to be.

but my heart somehow, naively chooses to believe that we were meant to be.

God, i ask for a clear sign, of an indication that my faith is indeed placed on the right thoughts.

becas. i'm starting to feel something. and it may not be a good thing.

but if its from You Lord, i know its gonnna work out.

thank you Lord.

2009-02-01T21:33:00.000-08:00

i want an acoustic guitar. actually...

i need one. urgently. money pls fall from the sky!

2009-01-28T18:11:00.000-08:00

Well lets see, im sitting here at my school's new makan place! well it is called.. THE MAKAN PLACE. its this air conditioned food court that the school built, which we, current students of Ngee Ann Polytechnic, believe that it was built JUST FOR OPEN HOUSE.

but oh well. its got nice food. surprisingly, cheap too!

okayyy that sounds like an advertisement. lol. but yea.

feature writing consult now. consulting the design of the magazine we're doing.

okay consult over.

"If you fail to plan, you plan to fail!"

So now...

PLANS!

Today:
Meet web d grp at 1pm.
Go aunt's place after that around 1.45
Drop grand dad home.
Go bras basah and fix up victor's guit.
home! ~ 7
nap? or do work?
if nap... nap to 12 and do work
if work... work till 12 and sleep!

Friday:
8am go school for Starting a Business class. got test! target mark: A
Meet for MM Report Submission after class! ~ 12noon
Submit MM! Target time: 2pm!
HOME!
night plans... PLAY? HAHA. unplanned.

Oh things to do-
Print baptisms form and get it signed!

Sat:
Morning wake up go CCH!
CCH SVC!
Lunch with CCH gang!
then... UNPLANNED.

gosh. lotsa time need to plan!

and i realised. im starting to enjoy blogging. and writing. this is good. haha

hmm!

2009-01-28T09:10:00.000-08:00

feel like singing this song.

You're way too beautiful girl
That's why it'll never work
You'll have me suicidal, suicidal
When you say it's over
Damn all these beautiful girls
They only wanna do your dirt
They'll have you suicidal, suicidal
When they say it's over

- sean kingston, beautiful girl

HAHA. the song sounds cute now. it was irritating at first. hmm. sounds very zi bei! but... catchy tune. and most bands would sing this with...

When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we see
No I won't be afraid
No I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darling, darling stand by me
Oh, now, now, stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me

- stand by me!

bum, bum, bum bum bum, bum... dar dee dum... dum.. duuuu armmm.. dum...

haha

WELL! i've mentioned that i'm SINGLE and UNINTERESTED now... but simply becas...

okay. so weird. happy flow to serious thoughts.

but anyways! SOME THOUGHTS!

you know people say that we shouldnt get attached too many times? simply cause a piece of your heart will be given to every person your attached too? especially if they were serious relationships?

well i know exactly how that feels.

so whats left, im keeping it for the last girl. so waiting is the most important factor. HAHA.

ANYWAYS! LOVE MATTERS IS A GOOD SHOW! do watch it! lotsa funny stuff! like... a Casanova-ish guy getting tied to a table and threatened to get castrated! hahah! gosh. i sound damn evil. LOL

chionging work now! WATER BAPTISM ON MY BIRTHDAY! CANT BELIEVE IT!

and on a side note. hmm. maybe my waiting game; has already begun. ;)

neither here nor there

2009-01-26T09:19:00.001-08:00

i feel like im neither here nor there. in terms of age.

i feel like, i cant really relate to ppl my age.

and im always around ppl 20 plus, yea easier for me but...

i cant be myself when im around them.

as much as i'd like to think that im more mature in some sense, i cant help but wish to really just, let myself out. not that its a childish side but... really just being me.

you know, there's this bunch of ppl who are just lovable wherever they go? to be really honest, and i hate to say but im really envious of such ppl. i used to be able to enjoy this charisma a long time ago. but somehow, over the years, it just disappeared. no longer do ppl want to know me, or anything.

well, i used to complain a lot about being criticized for being "in the limelight", but i guess, thats what you get when you really stick out from everyone. and then again, which person sticks out and not have anyone want to hammer them back in?

is it fame i want? or is it just acceptance? love from people around me?

ok. i stopped to think about wat im writing.

i want to be myself again, cas i believe thats how i'll get acceptance and more ppl to notice me again.

is that true? i dunt noe. i really dunt.

but. i really wanna be myself again. becas. i really enjoy being me.

yet. its been too long since i last enjoyed being myself.

bryan lee. you will be remembered.

and hopefully recalled.

its chinese new year~!

2009-01-25T20:06:00.001-08:00

its chinese new year and im waiting for people to come to my house now... lol. so in the meantime, some thoughts (i think this will be my theme for this year. thoughts thought and more thoughts)

i just woke up not long ago, and i had dreams. and i mean, a lot of dreams.

the last dream would be how i feel when i wake up. meaning, if my last dream was full of happiness, i'll wake up smiling from ear to ear and feel like the whole world loves me or sth. haha. but if its sad and scary... then i'd really wake up scared, anxious, perspiring very badly and all. its not a nice feeling at all. the feeling wears off after awhile, but... this feeling has driven me to do things. and a certain thing in particular.

i got attached

because of a scary dream.

in the dream someone took her away from me. my best friend at that point of time. and i woke up so scared, i was perspiring and in tears. then i just thought i'd messaged her. i told her that i was so afraid of losing her. but at the same time, i was afraid to tell her for fear of rejection. and then... it just happened.

and btw, she's leaving for aussie for 6 years to do her vet studies this sat. i wish her all the best!

but yeah we broke up after three months. shall blog about this another time. haha. soon. after i write something. hmm...

next post!

some thoughts.

2009-01-25T06:31:00.000-08:00

i wonder what it feels like;
to find the one in this life;
who actually enjoys my presence.

my presence.

when im around. there are lotsa things that i wanna know.

do they actually enjoy being around me?
do they want to talk to me?
do they want to contact me?

just for the very fact that they enjoy my company?

but of course. it doesnt mean that if nobody says anything, or does anything, means that im not noticed or un appreciated.

that i must always noe.

but. theres always this unsatisfactory word. but.

why am i so unsatisfied? why cant i be content with this life im living? thats another thought.

but anyways. its just that. sometimes when im out with my friends, i realise that they always have someone their smsing. and for me its like. my phone's quiet all the time. the last time, my phonebill was high, sadly, becas ppl dint pickup my calls and they always went into voicemail. which is considered 1 minute. now with my new plan... my bill dropped from 90 to 48. like wow rite. i wish.

i have many friends that i can talk to.

but how many, actually want to talk to me?

i have many friends that i can ask out.

but how many would ask me out first?

i have friends.

but yet, sometimes i feel like i've none.

i guess its me as well. i need to be more strong. and im sure

that nobody wants to be the last one there
everyone wants to feel like someone cares
someone to love, yet with our lives in their hands

there's gotta be somebody for me like that.

nope im not interested in getting a girlfriend; its more like i need a friend who needs me too.

like the song title, maybe... i just...

Gotta Be Somebody
-Nickelback, Dark Horse album

happy niu year eve!

2009-01-24T21:30:00.000-08:00

im sitting here, in a boring room...

okay yes its lunchtime. and im constantly thinking of ways to spice up my day.

there's gonna be reunion dinner tonight, den after that... im not very keen on staying home.. but... wat can i do?

there's countdown at chinatown; or maybe chill out at simpang? or this and that. okay, theres not alot of things to do actually. but yes, i wana find something to do. if all else fails, i'll just go into hibernation. a state by which im always sleeping unless there are guests or i need to do visiting. it helps before i get back and finish the last leg of year two.

some thoughts.

ok nvm. shall blog it later.

back to blog!

2009-01-22T06:09:00.000-08:00

hello people! im back to blogging! and yes! IM MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MORE a happy person now! haha!

well! thot i should start the first entry of 2009 with... RESOLUTIONS!

1. Go to SOT!
2. Get water baptized!
3. Smile more and return to the friendly bryan again!
4. Take my attire and appearance seriously again. HAHA. so that..
5. I can make my presence felt more! not attract girls if your thinking that way!
6. Conclusion. I don't need to know more ppl, or try too hard.
7. More people need to know me!
8. Buy a new acoustic guitar!
9. Save 30% of my allowance every week!
10. Improve my relationships with certain people. *very very personal goal*

well... i'll add on to them as time goes on..

Oh one more resolution. TO KEEP BLOGGING! Cheers ppl!

appregios.

2008-09-15T09:06:00.001-07:00

just came home not long ago. super tired.

learnt appregios today during my guitar lesson. and recorded my soloing which is like... yuck. haha.

i wanna be a creative director, a producer. of concerts, events, etc.

so where should i begin?

feeling. not so good

2008-09-11T20:25:00.000-07:00

theres things about me and being alone.

i can stay alone. but i'll start thinking of all sorts of things.

now with vodaphone. i actually can blog about watever feeling i have anytime. sounds scary?

but seriously, it makes me wonder, what should a blog be about?

about my day, how ive been, what happens, im pissed with this, im happy with this blah blah? or something else? in mine so far, it seems like everything i blooged bout happens to always be my feelings. feelings feelings and more feelings. im quite sure less then 10 ppl read this blog, so if ur reading it, yes ur one of the few. i'd really like more ppl to read, but im afraid of wat they'll say. blogging is a release of my feelings. thats for me. i really wanna like post up pictures, do up html and all, but i dunno. im more interested in jus typing den pictures. you could say that im more into words than into pictures or symbols. a little weird a combination but not at all unexpected i guess. honestly, ok fine. honestly is my favourite word of the season.

i wanna be an honest person.
i wanna tell you the truth
but as the saying goes, all things said must be true, but not all things true must be said.

and for me? all things done must be good; but not all things good must be done.

am i doing too much for my age? thats good rite? or not?

have i really missed out what life really is about?

what is life really about?

some say success; but others say love.

life=love

no love=no life *lol*

love = benefit others sacrifice self

life = benefit others sacrifice self

so life isnt about myself. so why do i do so much things for myself?

ppl ask me. what do i want? i dunt noe.
nothing i do gives me satisfaction.

on a side note, i think im sounding too old. this is not goood. hahahahahhaaha.

oh well. someday i'll know the answer i guess.

im afraid

2008-09-11T09:37:00.000-07:00

afraid to love. afraid to lose.

so what can i do?

honestly, i think i've had a rather blessed life in term of success. everything i start doing, turns out good; not the best, not the worst, but i noe im good.

guitar. badminton. sound engineering. talking. writing. thinking. doing. watsoever.

not the best, not the worst, but i noe im good.

everything. i feel like a rich man, with only superficial friends kinda thing.

ive succeeded much in 18 years; but relationships.

im bad at it.

so wat if im talented? so wat if im good in all those?

ive gained the world and lost my soul. it feels that way.

i cant bring all those things with me to heaven. i can only bring relationships with me to heaven.

but. i have so many tainted ones. and ive only been attached once and rejected countless of times.

im not satisfied with life. there's gotta be more to it than jus working my butt off.

untitled

2008-09-11T01:19:00.001-07:00

I want to be happy. again

im stressed, and im tired.

and im a little lost.

what should i do?

been working and working.

honestly speaking, is it worth it all?
just working and working and working. when school starts, im gonna work some more. do i really want this?

i said i wanted to be able to support my grandparents when i come out of army. cas hu knows wat will happen tml.

but at the expense of my youth.

you have point there.

why do i wan to work so hard? holidays is fine i guess. but school time as well? it doesn't make much sense i guess. but.

wat do i realli want?

im doing everything that seems right.
its not about things seeming right. its about, doign EVERYTHING.

everything i do may seem to be the right thing to do, but it doesnt mean that i have to do it.

im getting more confused by the day.

bryan lee, what is it that you're after?

a mess of thoughts.

2008-09-10T01:23:00.000-07:00

gosh. i realised that there's no specific train of thoughts in the previous. no direction. im just thinking of everything at once.

im confused. hais.

a new beginning or the end

2008-09-10T00:17:00.000-07:00

im on the bus. yes im blogging on the bus with my vodaphone. hehe.

oh well. tml's the day. the day that determines the fate of our friendship. will it be the end? or a new beginning.

a play of a word with the pre chorus of the song "true" by ryan cabrera.

[original]
I'm weak, it's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster

[modified]
I'm weak, it's true
Cause I'm afraid to know the answer
Do you want me to?
Cause my heart keeps falling faster

from too - to.

you know, everyone may say things about me, like wat u said, the outsiders see the most.
but there are things they just won't see, and things that they'll never know of me.

everyone said to me being a christian was a waste of time; was distracting me form studying, form wat was important.

but hu was there with me when i was down and alone?
hu was there with me when my tears flooded my pillows?
He wasn't just there; He collected every tear i cried.

what bout them?

where were they when i first fell in love with my instrument?
when i spent many hours fixing guitars in a shop, accepting a pay of only 20 a day?
wnen i practiced songs till my fingers bled?

you were there for me when i was all alone.
you were there for me when i wanted to share my joy or my sadness.

i felt that you would be there for me, not just everyday. but every tomorrow.

i cant believe that you were the one
to build me up and tear me down
like an old abandoned house

看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着
你的身影这么近我却看不到
没有地球太阳也会围绕
没有理由我也能自己找  你要离开我知道很简单
你说依赖是我们的阻碍
就算放开但能不能别没收我的友情
当作我最后才明白

我先在只能希望明天会更好。 i hope everything turns out okay.   

and... nvm.

take care.

see you tml. if i do.

newsong

2008-09-06T21:43:00.000-07:00

a song wrote. no title yet but melody is out.

Verse1:
Time is short
It’s something that I’ve always been told
Because of that, I try
To do a million things all at once

But somehow baby, it seems
The more I do the less I complete
I’m trying hard, I am
To stand up straight and find out life’s path

I’m not perfect, I know
I’m not the easiest person to love
But I’m learning, it’s tough
I don’t know if I’ll learn it all

Pre Chorus1:
Cause the time when you were there for me,
It seemed to be, a dream come true
A friend that I’ve been praying for
A prayer that God had answered

Chorus1:
It’ll probably be easier
If someone stood right here
To walk with me, this journey
It surely would be nice

But honestly, it shouldn’t be
I’m starting to realise
My dreams are far ahead of me
And its getting further, and further each day

Verse2:
Yeah we talked, but it feels
Like it’ll never ever be the same
Like I’ll never see you this time
Or hear you on the phone again

Is it what they think
Or simply cause it cannot be
That a guy could buy
You breakfast on the way to work

I only, wanted to,
Find some time to spend with you
5 minutes, or 5hours, it didn’t matter as long
As it was quality time

Pre Chorus2:
Well truth is that I’m afraid
That you would hide because of that
Not that I like you, not that I won’t
But my hearts too tired to think of much more

Chorus2:
It’ll probably be easier
If someone stood right here
To walk with me, this journey
It surely would be nice

But honestly, it shouldn’t be
I’m starting to realise
That the future holds surprises
That I could not think of

I’ll just let each day pass,
Come what may,
I’ll bear with it
Time will tell
And patience will lead the way

my words carry my future

2008-09-04T06:14:00.000-07:00

yeps. i told myself today's gonna be a better day.

first thing in the morning, woke up, smiled, woke a baby pig up =P and went to work. work today, time passed relatively easy, i did my stuff rather fast. guess everything just worked out well. prayer from last night helped lots.

im feeling better. starting to cope with this new lifestyle. but; my life still feels incomplete.

Someday i'll know what's missing.

life goes on.

2008-09-03T09:53:00.000-07:00

hey there.

guess im getting used to it.

what do i search for in this life that i lead? fame? riches? appreciation?

or maybe just love.

sometimes this brain of mine thinks way too much than it should. good? bad? i'd say its good, but sometimes, i wish ppl knew better of how i think, and how i feel.

Its about this comfort, knowing that even if God doesnt reply, He cares. If some people don't reply, its really hard to know whether they care or not. but we're all human. :) being human gives us the excuse to make mistakes, but i guess, we should all strive to be better ppl. i know im trying.

God, thanks for everything. Your grace, i dun deserve it, but. its just. Amazing Grace.

and you too. for an undeserved friendship.

on the verge of sinking. again.

2008-09-02T10:20:00.001-07:00

im sinking. and no ones there to pull me out. i dont want to. the only thing im fighting for is my sanity. thats all. i cant do this alone. someone help me. pls.

thats it.

2008-09-02T10:16:00.000-07:00

i cant take it already. i dunt wanna bother.

irritated

2008-09-02T09:51:00.000-07:00

im irritated. its frustrating. but what can i do. sometimes, when God doesnt answer, its frustrating. same goes for humans. but i noe that even if God doesnt answer, He still cares. but when humans don't answer, i dont think they care.

It's all in your hands God. I can do no other.

the emotions that come along with doing nothing.

2008-08-31T02:39:00.000-07:00

its days like this that drives me crazy.

when its a rest day and you've so much time to rest; and think. about things that i gotta do, and about the people that are close to my heart. its not easy to think about the people you love; its painful sometimes.

theres always this fear of losing them.

I'm not the easiest person to love
I'm often the one who lets things go unresolved

Yet you choose to be
On the side of me
On the side of me
Yet you choose to be on the side of me
On the side of me

I'm not too proud of some things
I've done in my life
The skeletons in my closet
Are too big for me to hide

Yet you choose to be
On the side of me
On the side of me
Blessed Charity
You're on the side of me
On the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
When it's cold outside
And there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
All alone I cried
There was no place to go
I remember when nobody cared
But you

I'm not the easiest person to love
But you, you've opened your heart to show me what I'm worth

'Cause you choose to be
On the side of me
On the side of me
What a mystery
You're on the side of me
On the side of me

Everyone needs a friend to hold
When it's cold outside
And there's no place to go
Everyone needs a friend to hold
All alone I cried
There was no place to go

I remember when nobody cared
Nobody cared
But you...

Yeah you choose to be
On the side of me
On the side of me

- Corrinne May, "On the side of me"

thanks.

emotions.

2008-08-30T10:50:00.000-07:00

emotions are such crazy things

happiness makes everything seem right; sadness makes everything seem wrong.

we've got to go through all those. but sometimes, we really wished that they knew. how it feels to do so much for someone that only sees the result and not the process that we went through for? just like how it takes months to prepare for a 2 hour concert. and all we can do is just, wait and see? lol. time will heal and tell you the answers to all the questions we have.

and you there. cheer up. ;)

empty

2008-08-29T10:05:00.000-07:00

maybe i'm trying, trying too hard...

haha. today. driving was good. i really really really wanna pass on the first time. so ppl please pray for me! i'll drive you around! lol.

cell. usual. haha. nothing much i guess.

gosh i think im sounding more boring than ever. haha. but really. im like. lost for words. no deep thoughts anymore? haha. acty have but just too lazy to blog bout it. must start trying.

i wanna look forward to something. or maybe someone? haha. we'll see.

hehe. im trying to keep this going

2008-08-25T09:15:00.000-07:00

Hello there again.

i guess im back to blog! quick one la. lazy to write long one. haha.

first things first. holidays! and im working at an interior design company thats started by victor and his friend 3 years ago. lotsa potential i must say. pays not that bad, and lotsa things to learn.

strings. this weeks the concert, i should go. but. oh well im probably gonna see how first.

cellgroup. haha. God has moved. what more can i ask?

family. hmmm. i wouldnt mind more time with them.

girlfriend? LOL. nahhhhhhhh.... soon? not even close. sad? nahhhhhhh....

goodfriends? one or two. and maybe that cute idiot girl hus prob the only one hu reads my blog and "watches porn". haha inside meaning, its not what u ppl think it is. heheh.

wanna learn guitar again. fast. somebody pls teach me. :(

gosh! i hate html!

2008-08-10T06:56:00.000-07:00

Yes! I HATE HTML! lol. oh well just thot i'd do up some stuff, so i did the banner with fireworks, and im trying to go back to blogging. well like i said, TRYING. guess mr shan's lesson on fireworks was the only one i listened to, but my design concepts are still lacking lots. well takes time, wanna do up a really nice html background but... yea, takes time, and time and lotsa time, well maybe like forever. gosh im like just crapping, blogging is really stupid sometimes.

oh well. lotsa thoughts to pen down, none now but as time comes, i guess i'll do something bout it. technically im on holidays, but there are still 2 papers left, 18th and 20th of august, and on 23rd sep its my driving test! i really wanna pass it the first time! PLS PRAY FOR ME PPL!

well apart from those, i really wish there were more things to look forward to. nowadays its just day to day living. and its boring cause most of you guys are mugging, or busy doing ur projects and final exams. i feel kinda weird to be a little free, like, guilty for not doing any work now. just few weeks ago i was going mad, and now like, too relaxed. i need to find something to do. maybe a job? dont really feel like working though, but my family wants me to. well i guess i gotta see how things go.

life is a little depressing too, on a sadder note, strings and school stuff. haha. somehow everything just comes all at once huh, but its ok. im sure things will work out somehow. thats positive thinking.

going through all this would have killed me if i was alone. thanks to all those hu've taken time to listen, its really boring to hear me talk about myself all the time yea guys? hahahahaha. but u noe, you ppl hu've stood by me, i have no idea how you guys tolerate my ego, arrogance, and i dunno, my self centeredness in my talking and all my imperfection. ur amazing. thanks alot! i kinda realise why im single now... LOL

but of course. thank you lord. for being around. =)